I am barabbas

Today I am reading the church bulletins for the past three weeks. The first one I read had an article about the meaning of the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus. The more I read, the more confused I became. I realized that I had never fully explored this mystery in my heart. I knew the words of the answer, but I didn't understand their meaning in my heart. 

I believe Jesus died for my sins and for me to have life, but all of a sudden I didn't understand why, how, what this really meant. 

The next article I read was written from the perspective of Barabbas.  I had always just breezed by the part of the gospel about Barabbas. It just seemed like a random detail, a side note about a custom of the time. The first person story from the bulletin, however, left me astounded, refreshed, believing and knowing the Truth in my heart. I think it needs to be shared. 

"'April fool!' Sure, it's a modern saying, but that's how I felt when Pilate called for my release. He wasn't serious, was he? Was the crowd really asking for me, Barabbas -a convicted murderer- to be released instead of that seemingly insignificant Jesus? I didn't believe it until my shackles were undone and the rowdy crowd was slapping my back in celebration. 

What I remember most is how he looked at me. The crowds were shouting, 'Crucify him!' It was terrifying. But Jesus didn't look at me with anger or hatred. The tenderness in his eyes astounded me. Took my breath away, really. It was momentary -but I felt he could see all the horrible things I'd done, and yet he...loved me. It's hard to explain and probably sounds ridiculous. But it felt very real. 

I was swept up with everyone following Jesus to his crucifixtion. Part of me wanted to shout, 'Stop! This man is going to die! This man was supposed to be me!' Yes, the crowd and leaders chose me, but ultimately, Jesus did the choosing. He didn't fight back, despite being innocent. He freely chose this path. It was terrible to watch him suffer and be crucified. Others taunted him, but I averted my eyes. I kept thinking about how he looked at me. I couldn't shake it. 

After he died, I hung around, but not too long. His women friends stayed close to the cross, but I was afraid and confused. My buddies wanted to celebrate, but I needed to be alone. I suddenly felt like a different man. That look he gave me, and witnessing his passion - it changed me. I didn't know then where it would lead me, but I knew I was a changed man.'"

Written by Janel Esker, Liguori Publications

I get it now. I remember. Barabbas deserved justice, but Jesus instead offered him grace, a gift more than what he deserved. 

Jesus took the weight of sin, death, and -by his sacrifice of love- replaced it with the freedom of forgiveness, real life in Christ. 

This is the gift of grace offered to those who believe.