A dare and a fast

Hi, my name is Brooke, and I LOVE grocery shopping!

Well, I really like grocery shopping.  I love having a refrigerator full of fresh, wholesome, really good food.  I love planning meals.  I love cooking said meals.  I really love eating said meals!

I guess I'm a weirdo.  Maybe you agree.  Or maybe you're sometimes like me?  Do you ever open the frig just to look at the colorful, flavorful bounty inside?  If so, you may be a refrigerator weirdo like me.

My frig is full.  Yea!!

This is what I'm making this week:

Chicken Alfredo with Whole Wheat Fettuccine, Broccoli, & Carrots
Sweet Soy Salmon with Parmesan Risotto & Green Beans
Lasagna with French Rolls (I discovered Alexia's French Rolls today.  I no longer attempt making yeast breads, so I hope these better-ingredient-lists-than-the-rest rolls hold up to the taste test!)
Chicken Burrito Bowls with Brown Rice, Black Beans, Cheese, Corn, Tomatoes & Avocado
Buffalo Burgers with Whole Grain Buns, Swiss, Spinach, Tomato, Honey Mustard & Sweet Potato Waffle Fries

Not every week's menu is this wonderful, inspired or healthy.  There are two big reasons that this week is so great:

1.  The Dare - A few days ago Husband and were talking about healthy choices with food and exercise.  We were both feeling heavy, lethargic, unmotivated.  We both wanted to feel light, energetic, inspired!

I told Husband I wanted to cook some really healthy stuff for a while, which he thought I was already doing.  It turned into making a list of healthy foods he would actually enjoy eating.  Eventually (all his idea) he said that instead of asking him what he wanted, I should just cook whatever I wanted, whatever I would choose just for myself...for a whole week!  It would allow him to see if my idea of healthy is really as out there as he thinks.  It would allow me to show him I can make things almost as tasty, but definitely more healthy than Sloppy Joe's.

2.  The Fast - A little over a week ago I realized something pretty huge about myself.  I realized I was really, truly addicted to sweets.  Not good sweets like strawberries, sweet potatoes, and honey.  Bad sweets like cake, brownies, and cookies.

Many people can eat these foods, maintain self-control, and for them they are still good foods.  

For me personally though, these are bad foods.  I have tried many approaches: moderation, fasting, waiting until the weekend.  None of these plans work for more than a week; often not for more than a day.

I binge.  I go way over board, lose self-control, and spiral downward.  I'm actually being completely serious here.  I can eat half a cake in a day.  I ate more of Husband's birthday cake than he did.  It was quite sad, really, him wondering why he didn't have any birthday cake left.

Eating these foods is bad for me because it causes me to be dependent on them to lift my mood, feel shameful when I can't manage my cravings, and most of all become a slave to them.  Once I start eating them, I can't stop.  IT IS BAD!  Hey, I'm just being transparent.

Once the word addiction came to my mind -in a real way this time- I began comparing my behaviors and emotions to what I know about the experiences of people who have had addictions.  As it relates to sweet treats, I think I could surely check every box on the addiction check list.  Well, as they say in psych class (or wherever) labeling the disorder is half the battle!  I know I don't want to be addicted to anything.  The answer was simple, obviously simple.

Don't eat the sweet foods that cause me to 
spiral downward out of control.

I thought I had tried this, but this time it all made sense and seemed like it would actually work.  I didn't want sweet foods to have this effect on my mind and body any more.  I knew my only option was to refrain from eating them altogether.

So, I'm not.  April 1st was the last time I had any of these foods.  I'm not planning on having any of them again for a very long time.  I'm not even putting sugar in my coffee any more.  I just don't want to feel the way those foods make me feel.

The one caveat is that I think I will allow myself to have cake or ice cream or whatever every now and then when it is truly a celebration.  And when it is truly good cake or ice cream or whatever, not the awful, never-tastes-as-good-as-it-looks store-bought stuff.  After all, hopefully even alcoholics can one day enjoy a simple celebratory drink without reverting back to their old behaviors.

I feel the freedom now though.  Nine days in and my cravings are all but gone entirely.  I am telling you - I am never going back to how I was before, not ever.