On productivity and permission

Pffhhheeeewwwww......

That is how I feel right now.  Attractive, right?

I feel like I have been so unproductive the past few weeks.  I think that's because I have been so unproductive the past few weeks.

That is true, but it's also been a season of so many little things to get done, which don't really add up to feeling like you accomplished anything.  Sometimes those little things are hard to measure.

I'm also realizing I have done a lot of talking at people about giving themselves permission, basically permission to be easier on themselves.  Today, five minutes ago, I realized I need to do this for myself.  

I started Joy Before You, and I have been super excited about it.  I was excited to write, excited to get the word out, excited about what it could maybe, possibly, some day become.  And with that came so much pressure to perform, to have frequent posts, to have perfect posts, to do everything all at once.  

I needed it to be my job.  I set work hours for myself, but I could never follow through.  The problem with working from home is your work is at the mercy of anything and everything else that is going on.  My life is so flexible, that it makes it hard to actually accomplish anything sometimes.  And sometimes I make my life all about accomplishing something, all about make it perfect.

I have made lists of plans and goals and priorities.  Why then don't I simply hold myself to those things?  Why do I always feel the need to measure up to the world?  I am not the world and I don't want to be either.  So much of the world is so unimportant to me.  

I want desperately to rest in the comfort of Truth, and Love, and Peace.  In that place it is totally okay to be on a journey.  I don't have to worry before God about what I have or have not accomplished.  He is concerned with my character and my heart, not the checks on my to-do list or the bullets on my resume.